College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Randomize
