...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
