omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
