you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
