So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
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