Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Randomize
