Nicole vs. Life
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Randomize
