my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
