I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Randomize
