Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
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