I seem to have left my pride at pride
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Randomize
