What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
We are all done wearing pants today
Randomize
