i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
