I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
