If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
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