It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
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