OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Randomize
