I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
