They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Randomize
