You smell like a Billy Joel song
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
