Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
