This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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