Having a random hookup so left but love u
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Randomize
