I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Randomize
