dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
