I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
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