You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
