I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
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