Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
