i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
