I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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