I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
