There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
