The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
