I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
