Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
not ubering you a puppy
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
