Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
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