i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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