my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
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