So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Randomize
