Sorry, I don't speak sober.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
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