You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
He did a backflip because drugs
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
