So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
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