Where did you get a picture of my penis
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Randomize
