I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
