dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
