I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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