You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
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