Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
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