Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
