3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
I cut my penus on the lid.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize
