I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
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