I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
