Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
