We're like a lot better than the average bears
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
