im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Randomize
