I wish I could punch you in the face.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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