yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
You left your phone here
Wait...
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